I have a thing for habits,

Which probably got accelerated by my studies in anthropology, and certainly by the lack of understanding of why I do the things I do. Human behavior, which is largely habitual behavior, endlessly fascinates me. I’m the kind of person who desperately wants to visit the parking lots along Dutch highways that are known for anonymous sex meetings (but who is way too chicken to actually do it) and just staring into other people’s homes (which you can do in Holland) can set me off into a world of speculation about the lives that unfold there.

Last week I met a partner in fascination in the delightful Gretchen Rubin, author of many books including the New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project. She is one of those innerpreneurs out there that show that success these days doesn’t necessarily comes from having a big marketing budget or dirty commercial concept alone, but from actually being the real deal. From having something true and refreshing to say, and saying it in a way that is -dare I use the word- authentic. (Plus, we are both gingers and share the same root name. What’s not to like?)

Her most recent book dives into the topic of habits diligently. Among many wonderful things (based on how you react to the concept of rules, she divides people up into four subtypes and you can take a quiz to find which one you are -always fun if you’re into that sorta thing) she flipped two switches in how I’ve been thinking about habits.

First one is that I always thoughts that ‘habitual behavior’ was the enemy. Turns out, it’s not.

Maybe it’s all the Buddhist training, but I equaled the habitual thing with the automatic pilot –thus bad. Gretchen takes a somewhat unpopular but refreshing perspective on that: yes, creating a habit out of something does dull out some parts of your life, but since you don’t have to think about them so much, it opens up space for other things. In that way, Gretchen suggest that doing something mindfully unmindful can be very helpful from time to time.

So, assuming that tooth brushing is a habit you don’t go back and forth over on a daily basis, you can actually use that time doing or thinking about, something else. I read, for example, during tooth brushing (and to the amazement/irritation of my girlfriend I brush them about ten minutes -and I’m starting to think that’s maybe because of the reading. Mmm.) I can tell you: I get a lot of reading done in that time. Which, to be honest, I prefer over experiencing every sensation in single inch of gum.

There goes the holy grail of doing all things mindfully.

The second insight she gave me was about the crucial ingredient in making a habit. I’ve always been taught犀利士
 that it’s repetition, doing something consistently, over and over again, what creates a habit. According to Gretchen, yes repetition is an element of habit formation, but it is decision making that is even more crucial. Or the lack thereof, to be precise.

Just think about it: the difference between a habit and, say, a resolution or intention, is that you don’t have to decide to do it: you just do it. It’s literally a no-brainer. I am in the habit of eating breakfast every morning. I don’t go back and forth weighing the pro’s and con’s of it. I do go into endless debate with myself about whether or not to clean the house on Monday or pretty much round any trend on the food spectrum. It’s exhausting.

According to Gretchen, behavior becomes a habit when you take out the decision-making. Cause that’s what eats up all the brain space.

So that’s interesting, no? I’ve been experimenting with that for some months now, ever since I decided to only answer my e-mail twice a week. It opened up so much space for me. I love not having to think about doing it on my e-mail free days.

It also got me fantasizing over which habits I want to create. I had one, years ago when I started out as an entrepreneur: working three hours a day. Max. I did for a while and then started believing I couldn’t. Lately I’ve been thinking it would make a good experiment. No brainer -set my timer, and after three hours, boom. Go play or read or paint or bake or build something. Help someone out. Lie in the grass and watch ants, Mary Oliver style. See if I actually go bankrupt in two months -or if I’d be just fine.

I’m curious how you are doing on the habit-department. What are some habits you long to make or break? When were you successful in changing a habit -and how did you do that? I’d love to hear in the comments below.

 

And as always: sharing this post = helping me. Thanks!